Letter to Brian: December 24, 2024
Dear Brian,
It occurred to me that after my heavy letter a few days ago it might be nice to share what tools are helping me. If they are helping me, they may help others who are struggling, as well.
First and foremost: therapy and medication. I have therapy weekly and have for the past few years. I’m incredibly lucky that working from home allows for me to have a virtual therapy session from the comfort of my couch over my lunch hour. I also had the privilege of attending a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) group for the past several years but that unfortunately ended a few weeks ago. In that group, I met an amazing group of women who shared their experiences so openly. It was a community that made me feel less alone in my mental health journey because they all struggled in many of the same ways that I do.
I’m also on medication that keeps me about as level as I can expect to be, so that is helpful. The combination of therapy and medication seem to be working well because I’m consistent with both– I rarely skip therapy and I’m usually pretty good about remembering to take my meds twice a day.
Keeping my mental health a priority is a full-time job. Here are some other ways I’ve learned to cope:
Daily walks, typically 5 miles most days of the week
Weekly FaceTime dates with my bestie in Texas
Paying attention to my nervous system and protecting myself from situations and people who trigger a deep trauma response in me and I make my home a peaceful place that soothes my nervous system
Two words: Kitchen Dancing. I dance around the house so often while I clean or cook
I quit drinking alcohol
Spending time with my cats
Texting and phone calls with friends to stay connected
Calling a friend when I’m struggling and need connection
Recognizing I am neurodivergent as well as getting an ADHD diagnosis has changed the way I view myself; I’m less critical of myself now knowing that my brain just processes things differently than many of my peers
Comfort TV shows and music
Monitoring what I ingest in terms of social media feed, TV shows and news outlets and taking breaks when I’m feeling overwhelmed
Swinging in my hammock chair– it’s so soothing, I think sensory-wise it’s very calming to me; I have one inside the house, one in my breezeway and one outside
Scheduled mental health days– I try to toss one on the calendar once a month or so to give me a break to look forward to
Limiting my social time– I’m realizing I’m more introverted so I get overwhelmed and overstimulated by social activity very quickly
Regular trips to visit my bestie in Florida
Listening to my body and responding accordingly– getting as much sleep as my body tells me that it needs and dialing back the physical activity when my body needs it
Cannabis has also been a lifesaver– it makes my mind a kinder place and it encourages me to eat so that’s an added bonus
Putting my energy into the people who choose me back
Saying no to things that are harmful to my mental health, even if it means disappointing people– you can’t fill from an empty cup
Embracing my quirks, they’re what make me ME
Befriending the squirrels, crows and bluejays in my yard with peanuts. It’s one of the highlights for me everyday
Remaining single– I absolutely adore living alone and I do not miss the stress that comes from dating men who disrupt my emotional safety; I feel more balanced on my own
I look at it much like this: If you have only $100 left in your bank account and you need it for survival (i.e. food or medication) you’re not going to spend it on something unnecessary like a cotton candy machine. When I only have so much emotional energy left after getting myself through the day, I use what’s left very carefully now. I’m becoming very mindful of how, where and who I spend my free time with because not everyone is a safe person for me and that’s OK. I get to choose what’s best for me and my emotional well being every single day.
I hope some of this may be beneficial to someone else… sharing is caring, right?
Merry Christmas, dude. I miss you.
Love,
Laura
